you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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