He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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