If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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