Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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