I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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