God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
