very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
