Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wish you could order shots online.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
