just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
