So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
