definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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