getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
