it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
