Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
