How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
dude i'm inner monologue high
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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