when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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