I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
