Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
