I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
