3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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