Can i not drive my cunt home
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
