The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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