I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
