He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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