just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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