ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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