I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
