Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
