can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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