Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
