I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
