just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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