Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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