I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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