My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
