I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
