I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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