We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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