honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
