our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's blow job season.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
