How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
