Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
