Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If that was your dad, he is hot
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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