Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Are we still banned from the library?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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