i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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