I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
