my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
