maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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