you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
