mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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