My friends, they love my intelligence
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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