I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
