my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
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