last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
